You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
