I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
