Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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