Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He passed out mid-signature
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh god it's open bar.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
