Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
