winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
