If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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