he looks like a really good dad on facebook
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
