My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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