Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
