Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize