In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
