I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
