he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
