I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
