Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
