I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
