Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
