dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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