Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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