I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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