DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
