Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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