it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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