see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
