so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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