god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
