Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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