I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
