Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
