Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
