she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
