Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
