Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
