I wish I could punch you in the face.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize