i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
