I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
