By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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