So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
