My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize