jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
