what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Floor bacon is actually really good
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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