im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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