I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
