I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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