He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
