Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize