dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
