just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
