Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
