Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
