Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
