When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
