i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dicks are not precious.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize