Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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