Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
