I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
