Don't you send me to vm
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
