My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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