What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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