So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
