Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
