i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
