xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
