you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
