I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He better not be in your backpack
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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