I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
