This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
