who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
