I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
