Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
